No Strength
The part of last week (week 1) that was particularly hard for me was the realization that I had not been bold. Oh sure, I went up to people and sheepishly handed them tracts with the gospel message on them, but I was barely able to engage anyone. I was tongue-tied. The most important information that anyone will ever encounter was in my mind, but I couldn't make it go to the front my face and come out my mouth. Why? Because I fear what people think. I am afraid that the person I am trying to approach will want nothing to do with me. I did see that quite a bit while I was out, but what I also knew was that it was not a good enough reason to let them just walk away.
When Marcus' voice left him last week, I stared longingly at the little green step-stool that he had left behind. I wanted to stand on that box and yell, "People of Chicago, I have such great news for you. Jesus is standing, waiting for you accept his free gift of salvation from your sins, and all you have to do is accept." I longed to plead with the onlookers and passers-by to hear the truth. But I couldn't make the effort to walk over stand up and lift my voice. Why? Fear. Shame. I was ashamed of a message that people didn't want to hear. I was willing to let that shame drive me from preaching the truth to the ears which might have been prepared by the Holy Spirit to hear, because most certainly I would hear or see people who rejected me.
I learned through the evening that the only way for me to engage my faith with its true conviction is to allow God to overcome the fear in my heart and to replace it with love and joy. I learned that through the needs facing us on the battlefront. I felt very much like a solider who had been in boot camp for years and suddenly was in the front line. But now, all the training I had, and all the truth that was locked up in my rusty brain, and all the time I had spent in the Bible, pouring over texts that spoke to the truth of the salvation in Christ Jesus, was not enough to inspire me to share.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Cor 13.
What it came down to was that I had allowed myself to forget love. Was I not called to love the least of these? (Matt 25:40) Was I not called to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength? (Deut 6:5, Matt 22:37-38 ) Was I not called to love others with the love that Christ had shown me, and by this to show that I was his disciple? (John 13:35, 1 John 4:7-8). Further, the fear that I was facing should be driven out by love (1 John 4:18).
So, this week, I tried loving people. Jessica and I had quite an evening tonight.
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